Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
