Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
