He passed out mid-signature
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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