there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
