it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
