I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
