You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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