why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
