the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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