why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
