we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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