I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
