so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
