the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
