YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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