I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
