Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
