I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
