Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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