I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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