I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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