I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
