We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
