Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize