do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize