Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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