so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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