He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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