I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
