So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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