How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
His nipple licking is glorious
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