I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
