I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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