the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
