69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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