38 yer olds are good kisserssss
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
