You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
