don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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