I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
