The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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