my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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