I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
