Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
