good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
