she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
