I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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