i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
