you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
