using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
