Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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