I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
