its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
