She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
