i just sent this text using only my big toe
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
