he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
