The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
