I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
