he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize