We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
