dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I supernannyed him into submission
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
