He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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