you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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