so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
