Can i not drive my cunt home
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
