were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
