Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
