i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
