omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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