She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
