he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
