I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
