You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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