Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
